yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
