we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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