make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
