Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
