when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
