I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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