I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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