I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
