you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
His hands were made for my vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
