OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
