I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You can't motorboat a personality
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
