Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is an emotional support booty call
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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