His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
