my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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