I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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