normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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