and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
