4 words: hood of his car
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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