Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
