I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hippo gnu deer
She bit a glass in half.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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