You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
