I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
