i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
