i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize