i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize