Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
