Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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