turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
