i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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