my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
