I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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