I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
