So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
