4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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