just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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