just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
