I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
