i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
