I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
