so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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