It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
