I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dignity is for republicans.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All the doctor said was why
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
