I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In America we eat man semen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
