I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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