I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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