and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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