it wasn't lemon gatorade
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
