I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
