it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
