it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
