So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
