She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
