i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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