At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
