I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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