I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
