I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize