Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
