don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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