At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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