is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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