she woke up with a sticky ear
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
