Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
