I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
