obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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