I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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