GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
