You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
