I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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