I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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