I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
