Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
